 |
| "We may troll u guys!!"- Mayans |
Incase the
world ends today, I feel that it's my moral responsibility to share with you
guys some tips that would ensure your race doesn't end as fast as ours.
TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN
If you are
reading this ...congrats!! You have survived & shall inhabit the earth for
some more years before yet another lame prediction of Mayans is discovered.
1) Hopefully
unlike me, you don't have to endure Justin Bieber songs ever. So your chances
of living a longer life increase by default. Lucky you!!
2) Our
generation was in the social networking era. We had immense opportunities to
click our profile pics in our bathrooms, Instragram a pic of every morsel of
food we had. (& yes did I forget to mention, that we even had the chance to
reduce poverty on our planet by simply 'liking' pics of poor people on FB).In
the best interests of human sanity DON'T do that.
3) Banking system was real bad while we were
alive. Most of us were deep in debt. (infact some of us even mortgaged our
family members for getting loans). But to come to think of it, we are not the
only ones to be blamed. Partial blame even goes to the people employed in call
centres who used to win our dumb masses over with those 5 golden words -
"You are our lucky customer".
4)
Downloading pirated stuff ie games,movies etc was our national sport which we did practice very diligently. Carry
on the legacy!! (& ya be kind and don't password protect your wi fi
network. Come on that's the least you could do to serve the society.)
5) My fellow
homo sapiens have been immensely addicted to profound things about film
celebrities like the no of lettuce leaves they put in their burgers, the
different body parts they have been operated on, the no of times they
have worn the same pair of heels in a decade etc. We also loved testing our
peers on these facts and declaring them as outcastes/'nerds' if they got any
answer wrong. Kindly stay away from such bullshit facts .It will kinda help in
not bringing human intellectual progress to a standstill.
6) The only
hope of making it big during our days was receiving emails sent from angels
around the globe who needed our help (& bank a/c numbers to send us
millions of dollars). Sadly enough they turned out to be Nigerian scamsters. :(
Rascals!!
7) For
heaven sake DO NOT put sentimental/emotional/heart-warming things in your
status updates after hunting for them on Google. No one gives a damn.
Seriously. (Ok I might be kind enough to
acknowledge your copying & pasting skills on the computer. Will do it by
leaving only a 'k' in the comments sections after reading through the 3 long
paragraphs you have pasted as your status message. This cruelty shall be done
ONLY to piss you off. Get it??
8) Incase
you do come across any fitness related articles which tell you to diet, go to
the gym, stare at the sun for 3 hrs nonstop to gain Vitamin D, try some unique
yoga posture which will ensure that you remain bedridden for atleast a month to
come etc. Plz BURN them!!! The ones who need it won't read it, anyways. So
what's the point of keeping them??
9) In our
days , there was a breed of homo sapiens who achieved the skills of a pro
photographer just by owning a Cannon DSLR camera . Plz burn down a few Canon
DSLRs too. You shall be hailed as a 'saviour' for the field of photography just
by doing this task. Trust me.
10) In the
future no matter how advanced telecommunications systems get when the guy you
are speaking to over the phone is not able to hear your voice & responds by
screaming "Hello, helloooooo, Helloooooooo". You do NOT have to match
his screaming skills by doing the same. Just keep the phone down and call him
up again. It's that simple.
11) Eating a
dosa with a spoon and a fork is DUMB & cannot be justified by any means
whatsoever. About time you start munching pani puris using chopsticks too.
Seems legit !!
12) Wearing sunglasses at night is NOT all
that 'cool'. Don't worry the street lights won't make you go blind &
neither will the paparazzi drop from the sky and start clicking your pics. Incase
you do get blind, don't worry coz Aishwarya Rai has already pledged her eyes
for donation after her demise. But you gotto wait for a few more decades to see
things from 'her point of view' literally.
13) If you
are a guy, contrary to popular belief wearing
your pants way too low doesn't really increase your chances at pleasing the
opposite gender. Sorry neither I nor the rest of the world at large is
interested in checking whether you are wearing a Rupa or a Jockey underwear.
And since when did your underwear brand become a sign of your economic status??
. Not sure of your economic status but it does reflect quite a bit about your
intellectual status.
So
for heaven sake pull your pants UP a lil !! Thanks
A TON !!, Regards, The gravitational force on earth
