Man shocked after finding no Chhole Bhature in Starbucks menu

Mr Prakash an accountant working for a local company recently visited Starbucks after borrowing Rs 2000 from his colleagues on the pretext that he needed the cash urgently to buy medicines for his ill mother. Mr Prakash shares his experience with us:

As soon as I entered the security guards gave me odd looks, I guess because I didn’t have any Rolex on my wrist or a Mont Blanc in my front pocket.
I then started reading the menu and I was shocked beyond measure to find that there was no mention of Chole Bhature in the whole menu. They had promised to incorporate local flavours in their menu. Liars!!

I personally feel that they could have made the menu a lot easier for the indian consumers because anyways half the people can’t make out the difference between a Cappuccino, Frappuccino & a Mochaccino. I would have appreciated if they would have described these drinks with simple names like 
“Zyaada Doodh vali, Kali vali, Kam Jhaag (froth) vali etc”.

The prices were sky high as expected.I must admit after eating a tiny croissant for Rs 450 when the waiter asked me if I wanted to order more though I was starving inside I had to reply “No I am not hungry at all. Just ordered the croissant to see if it’s any better than the one my chai vala gives.”

Like the other customers present in the cafe even I had an inexplicable urge to click random pics making sure that the Starbucks symbol is prominently seen in every pic & uploading it on Facebook the moment  I enter home with the caption “Me chilling at Starbucks!!” How I wish my mobile battery hadn’t drained down when I was there. 

Anyways I did steal a few of their tissue papers with their symbol on it. I might frame them on my wall so I can prove to the Gupta’s next door that I am not as poor as they think of me to be.

I recently came to know that Starbucks entered in India after a joint venture deal with the Tata group. I am sure that this would turn out to be a win win situation for both. The Starbucks experience is one of a kind Come on we can lure people into buying a Tata Nano with an “all expenses paid visit for 2 to India’s first Starbucks where you get to share 1 whole cold bottle of the finest mineral water while seated on comfortable cushions with the soothing melodies of Himesh Reshammiya jazz singers playing in the background & experience award winning Starbucks hospitality for free *T&C apply”

Disclaimer : This is a work of pure fiction.Incase your feelings were hurt after reading this you may please walk down to the nearest South Indian restaurant where a waiter with shining white teeth & plenty of coconut oil in his hair (enough to make Saudi Arabia feel shy of their oil reserves) will be more than happy to serve you a piping hot glass of filter coffee for you to drown your sorrows in.

THE IIPM STORY-Moving towards excellence 1 pony tail at a time

         

IIPM's contribution to the Indian education system has been praised by one and all across the country. It has been winning numerous awards for the best B school in International exposure (all thanks to the free high speed WiFi which gives students access to unlimited downloads of  foreign adult films)

IIPM has maintained it's quality standards all thanks to it's stringent application process which requires prospective candidates to list down all their family assets like Audi, BMW, sea facing villas, plots ,farms & cows etc. Only the richest can make it through.

When it comes to fooling the nation, it's an art that IIPM has pioneered .               

"Pay 12 Lakhs and get a Rs 16000 worth laptop FREE" are just some of the lucrative deals that are up for grabs.

Recently The Hindu newspaper declared IIPM as the 'B school with a human face'.

Vipul an IAS aspirant from Bihar was taken aback after reading an article in The Hindu which declared IIPM as the B school with a human face. He said "I immediately decided that MBA would be the right choice for me .I come from a very humble background & the fees at IIPM is way beyond my means so I have mortgaged my buffalo & household tractor to get a loan. Their ads in the newspaper have always attracted me , especially the part where they highlight "world class faculty from Harvard, Stanford etc" whose font size is the biggest in the whole ad. I am grateful to this college for reminding every Indian 365 days of  the year as to how the  IITs & IIMs do not contribute anything to the nation's development & that IIPM is the only college that is patriotic enough to give back to the society. "

As soon as Mr Arindam got news that his college was awarded with this new honour within  a few minutes he updated his Facebook status  "OMG ! OMG ! OMG ! IIPM ranks the charts yet again. The Hindu newspaper just declared our college as the 'B school with a human face '. Never really expected this to happen." Comments like "WTF,WTH, R U SERIOUS?? & BITCH PLEASE !!"  were found in most frequency. Oblivious to these encouraging comments this status update was 'liked' by numerous IIPM students who were warned that if they didn't 'like' his status update they shall face serious consequences (ie their much acclaimed laptops shall be snatched away from & their internet browsing history would be made public).

When asked a former IIPM student he replied "Everyone is simply jealous of us & our laptops!! I agree that our IQs are low but that does not mean that our ambitions are not high. Let me get this clear ok?? We are still in heavy demand in the corporate world..........(35 sec pause)........Seriously yaar!! Believe me,Why would I lie?? Maa Kasam"

IIPM recently has done a strategic tie up with NASA to send it's students to Mars for conducting a global threats and opportunity analysis (GOTA) on the effects of playing Punjabi pop star Mika Singh's debut song  "Saavan Mein lag gayi Aag!!" out there & making the aliens extinct in their own planet.

Marketing maverick Arin(damn)  Chaudhuri has recently changed the IIPM tagline to "Dare to think beyond the Humans!!"

If rumours are to be believed another book called "Looting aliens, the human way!!" is all set to be released by Mr Arindam shortly.      

Placement head Mr Ghosh said "It's nice to be awarded the B school with a human face.People are finally recognizing that our colleges also exist in the market.We offer placement to 99% people within our campus itself.Depending on their skills they are given critical roles within our institute like security,canteen, cleanliness etc .  However 1% students do betray us and take up a job @ that tea stall outside our campus.I hate that tea stall owner.Loser is attracting invaluable human capital to his business by luring them with iPads.Hope they keep the IIPM flag flying high"
 

A professor at IIM Ahmedabad said "Nice work Arindam!! Hope u guys bag the award for the B school with human brains too!! I wish u well in all your misfortunes"

DISCLAIMER: The above article is a work of pure fiction and is meant to be taken in good humour. Unlike all the other news pieces of IIPM that you may have read, I have NOT been paid for this one. sob sob :( :( . Needless to say I am not an alumni of the institute .Which I do believe shall count as one of the reasons my whole dynasty would be proud of me.Plz note- This article is completely FAKE and any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.


Do check my other humour articles too Click Here