Friday, 10 January 2014

The year is 2060

It's that time of the year when people get all nostalgic about the year that just went by.One is filled with immense positivity for the year ahead. Now instead of brooding over important events of last year (like my neighbour not returning the non stick kadai pan she borrowed 2 months back :P) I shall give my predictions for the coming few decades in advance. Dear Bejan Daruwalla ,You're welcome! 

The Year is 2060.

Yerwada Jail  has opened a night club , swimming pool & spa for it's freelance celeb jail inmates so they have a comfortable stay out there.

Cricket has taken a bigger form throughout India. National level athletes are given free Bhaag Milkha Bhaag DVDs to console them for their insignificance .

China has taken over full Kashmir after extending into Indian territory in leaps & bounds .Ever since the advent of 'authentic chinese cuisine' restaurants over every nook & corner of the country serving dishes like Idli Manchurian  & doing immense typos over 1 word  'Schezwan' it would not be wrong to say we tempted China to go against us.

Indian residents have conquered Mars too thanks to tightening of  visa rules for USA green card.Patel community has successfully launched a prospering F &B business on Mars aptly called 'Dhoklas R Us' .

The Punjabi population has  officially surpassed the natives in Canada & Christmas is no longer a national holiday,Gurunanak Jayanti is. (FYI Santa gifts hot aloo parathas too!! )

Priyanka Chopra has released her 40th album with a black american thereby improving IndoAfrica relationships which fell into a rough patch many years back thanks to a local political party putting Akon's photo instead of Mandela on hoardings to pay their tribute to him on his death.

Used to do this during hostel days to predict what was for dinner. Sadly no divine intervention can save you when the stars above & Lauki & Karele ki subzi in store for you :(

Aakash tablets have become bestsellers specially since people discovered better uses for them like warming their coffee mugs.

Mumbai has just launched rolled out it's metro service with residents being nostalgic about not getting an opportunity to pee on the tracks.

Apple has finally after much furore launched another phone with bluetooth connectivity with all other brands of phones much to the disappointment of  'cousins in Amreeka' who will have to smuggle iPhones in dozens to India during the holiday season.

Lovely Professional University,Punjab has FINALLY started employing  a 'few' Indian professors contrary to their TV advertisements.(Have heard the college is so modern that the kids abuse also in English. #InTeriMaaKiAaankhWeBelieve )

Real estate developers across the nation have finally realized that it makes no point to use words like 'state of the art amenities, spa, temperature controlled swimming pool, diamond encrusted door knobs' in their ads coz at the end of the day their creme de la creme clients will have only 1 question in their minds 'Toilet indian hai ya western??'

It's disheartening to find that even after years of abolishment of apartheid, south indians are still called madrasis regardless of which part of south India they belong to.

India TV has still not got over their fetish of reporting  aliens abducting Indian cows.
Pakistan has appointed a hotter external affairs minister than Hina Rabbani Khar thereby causing many divorce cases in homes of indian ministers.

 Signing off with this lil glimpse into the coming years! Wish you all a Happy & prosperous year ahead!! Keep trolling!!

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