Saturday, 22 March 2014

To France with love.......(Pour france avec de L'Amour)

Writing after almost a month. Overwhelmed with all the fabulous feedback I keep getting every now & then like 'Delete the blog bitch!',  & also massive respect for the guy who wrote a letter in someone else's blood coaxing me to give up writing. Sorry folks that ain't gonna happen :P

And as always it's only when you are filled with enough anger within that you turn up to express your frustration by writing  or in other cases by uprooting hand pumps like Sunny Deol has managed to do so elegantly over the years much to the delight of the water irrigation department.

As Indians, Europe has always held a special place in our hearts thanks to our actresses dancing in chiffon sarees on snow capped peaks & Govinda & Karishma Kapoor reducing India's tourism revenues by a quarter with their outrageous dance moves out there.

So we all know of the great French revolution where the great king Louis XVI who made the country bankrupt & finally a hero emerged, Napolean Bonaparte who was like the Arvind Kejriwal of his time. Napolean Bonaparte couldn't see all this injustice happen infront of his eyes and one fine day induced with anger he went like 'Bhencho, here I don't have money to get a hair transplant  done to camouflage my receding hairline @Dr Batra's  & these bitches are busy buying diamond necklaces with tax payer money'.
A candid pic of Napolean Bonaparte looking worried about his dowry rates

If I had it my way the French Army would be cast in the original Washing Powder Nirma advertisement. Still can't get over the fact how the f**k could the soldiers wear such fancy costumes & still not get dirty?

A candid pic of the French army discussing the latest Summer fashion
 collection @ Zara

    Nirma original advert- I am sorry Nirma, No offence , but I really don't recollect the last time I saw an Indian lady smile while washing clothes. ;)

Now France as we all know has been in the news for many reasons like Carla Bruni & recession (But mostly Carla :P)

Now the problem is that anything & everything under the sun associated with France is considered with high regards.
Nowadays I see these ads beaming across the Enchanteur - Fragrance of French romance.WTF does that even mean??

So a few weeks back I happened to visit a French Cafe in Dubai called Paul's which is known for serving 'authentic' French cuisine.Now thing that attracted me towards it is the word 'authentic' coz you see having lived in India for a few years I have grown partly affectionate of this term. Thanks to the splurge of 'authentic cuisine' restaurants spread across India.

 Back home in India also when we serve 'authentic' Chinese if not the cuisine the one thing you can be sure of is that there will be more typos in the menu than ordinary chinese restaurants. And FYI We have more authentic chinese restaurants in India than in China serving all kinds of Schezwan, Sezwan,Shezwan,Sezwan. #OMG Facts
TAKE THAT, China :P (Mera Bharat Mahan)

The menu card was beyond me since all the menu items were in French. Felt racially discriminated coz I didn't know French. So like any self respecting Indian I made a quick price v/s Fancy sounding name line graph in my mind & went for a Poulet Pesto which turned out to be a Chicken Sandwich, a rather bland one. Now what really broke my heart was that they didn't give any Haldiram's aloo bhujia along with it .Missed it so much could have almost penned down a sorrowful  'Ode to Haldiram' while sitting there & joined the ranks of Shakespeare. But destiny had other plans for me & all I had was some olive oil & a garlic dip to drown my sorrows in.

 The ambience was pretty good with the walls being adorned with pics of bakers standing alongside cows for a group pic for reasons beyond my comprehension.And mind you these were no ordinary cows ,these were French cows (ie the creme de la creme of the cow community ).They were white in colour & had black spots so aesthetically placed on them that you won't even feel the need to photoshop them . & Yes FYI unlike Indian cows , French cows don't sit in the middle of the road & block traffic, they just graze in the greens  waiting to be clicked by Indians around & get featured as brand ambassadors on Gowardhan Ghee packs across India:P But anyways will leave my intellectual thoughts on the international cow comparision ranks for some other day.

Saw this hoarding sometime back "Paris - Come experience love as never b'efore". This got me thinking that is all about  the right branding. Would be awesome if we had tourism ads like 'Delhi- Come experience tharkipan as never before' or possibly 'Gujarat- Divided by Modi, united by diabetes'.Needless to say my marketing skills could never flourish & I became a chartered accountant to make the world a more boring place :P

Enough of bitching about France,  Do share the article online on Fb/Twitter if you share the same sentiments or alternatively put a pic of the author's face on your dartboard
& vent out your anger.

Till we meet again next time !  Adios & feel free to post your feedback/ express your hatred for the author on the 'Contact us'form on the left side. 

Last but not the least,
The article is humbly dedicated to all those elitist douchebags who believe speaking French in public places (including the pani puri wala stall) increases their social status.Also it's a small yet profound attempt to woo Carla Bruni to accept my friend request on

 #InCarlaBhabhiWeBelieve #Blow2Sarkozy

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