Saturday, 10 May 2014

A foreigner's guide to Indian values

Now incase your first question is "How, the f**k does this pic even remotely relate to the topic bro?" Worry not. You see back home in India whenever you begin something new like this blog post which has been rotting for the past few months in my drafts folder, you always start with something auspicious.And like any self respecting Punjabi would tell you what could be more auspicious than butter chicken??

Indian values are something that we have solemnly inherited since AK Hangal's birth or The Big Bang explosion (whichever comes earlier). Contrary to popular belief it is these values that bind us all indians together so that we collectively get ignored  by foreign chicks for stalking,staring,groping etc .So here's a quick guide to Indian values, just incase you were missing a bit on your sanskaar quotient.

1) Sacrifice
Sacrifice forms the backbone of indian value system. Since your loved ones sacrificed things that would make them happy for you.So now at present you ought to sacrifice the things that make you happy to make them happy. Don't worry incase you got a lil confused in between no worries.In the future ur kids won't be able to make any shit out of it either too. So this cycle of sacrifice shall continue in a never ending spiral till the end of time whichever time period it occurs. BB (Before Bieber) or AB (After Bieber) era .

2) Respect for elders

Other cultures may or may not propogate selling kidneys of your elders to pay off your car loan. But in India elders are revered & their holy views are to  be considered in all situations regardless of your consent be it marriage or sexual orientation .Thou shall follow ONLY as told. Now respect for elders is shown in many forms ie

a) touching their feet as a mark of reverence. 

b) nodding your head in agreement to all the aging uncles as they talk about fascinating  topics such as how eating papaya daily transformed their life and bowel movements forever .

c) Sympathising with aunties as they share their troubles with you such as knee pains &
how it poses a great barrier to their 7 times a week kitty parties.

3) Focus on education
A good education is valued in Indian culture as it brings with it prospects of a good future & potentially good dowry rates.And FYI while you spend the rest of your lives repaying your educational loan EMIs  for your framed Harvard/Stanford  etc degrees you can atleast die in peace with the fact that Illiterate people made millions making aloo bhujia  :P Cc Haldiram's

4) Hospitality & accommodation

Indians are worldwide known for their hospitality & warmth. (K not including mumbai rickshaw drivers in this list) .Now unlike the west Indian kids stay with their parents even after high school for reasons such as culture & living  rent free but mostly for living rent free.

5) Strong family ties
Indians have always believed in portraying strong family ties in public. Even if it means getting clicked in idiotic poses like the one shown below to portray them.

Family ties in India are directly proportional to the gossip content generated by the opposite family. Gossip could & would include national welfare topics like 4th grade kid's score in Maths , or the scarce number of paneer dishes in the other's family's daughter's wedding.

6) Getting offended-
Now this one of those pristine values that we all Indians are proud of. Contrary to popular belief, our national sports is NOT hockey, it is getting offended. With passage of time we have developed our own mechanism t deal with it.All thanks to the "Don't feel bad but ...." phrase to protect us from offending anyone.The beauty of this phrase is that it can be used on any occasion & gels along with possibly any random sentence.Kindly see the examples shown below-

a) Don't feel bad but  ....... you're a motherf***er!!

b) Don't feel bad but....... I mortgaged your kidney for my BMW

c) Don't feel bad but.... I was the one who murdered Gandhi.Cc Nathuram Godse
    That's all for now. Shall be back with some more troll articles shortly incase I don't get abducted for this article .Till then earn some good karma by sharing the post on Facebook & twitter & forcing your friend's on gun point to join our Fb page :P
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