Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Letter writing: A beginners guide to dealing with shit

Passing by my school campus sometime back the nostalgia took over me & if there are few things that left a lasting impact on me those would be -

1) Doodling pics of Shah Jahan  in my History textbooks.In my humble opinion the Mughal empire would have lasted for many more years had they not concentrated all their efforts in clicking selfies with roses or doing the 'Hey -lets- come - up - with -2000 -different - hard to- pronounce-  names -for -similar- tasting -kebabs -just- to- fuck- around -with- future -generations '.Nonetheless will leave all my thoughts about the Mughal dynasty for some other day.

A candid selfie of Shah Jahan during the Mughal era

2) Letter writing is an awesome skill which trains you to be a 'polite' bitch. Back in school days, the highest marks in letter writing used to go to whoever could come up with the most dull letters infused with British era jargon i.e the kind of words that could potentially get you kidnapped & married off to a village chick by Khaap Panchayat members.

Given below is yet another failed attempt of mine at letter writing.Humble apologies to all my English teachers till date.Try not to hate me.

Dear Mr Natarajan,

Hope you are doing well. It is with a heavy heart that I write to you today the inevitable has happened yet again,Yesterday morning your dog has defacated yet again in front of my door.This activity has been happening since the past few months almost every week.Now you might argue that this is a perfectly natural phenomenon & humans & animals have been shitting in co-existence since millions of years.But most respected sir I beg to differ why on my humble door mat? Ideal neighbour relations qualities prohibit me to go & dump your dog in some animal shelter.I will be honest that I did seriously contemplate on doing so at a point in time before I discovered the true meaning of life was beyond accepting shit from people or dogs for that matter(as in my case).

To support my case I have with utmost dedication gone beyond the call of duty highlighted & taken pictures & videos of your dog pooping on my doormat.I can declare with utmost certainty that the dog observed in between 01:20 & 01:36 is none other than your esteemed dog fondly referred to as Tommy by your immediate family members or 'voh Vodafone vala kutta' by the rest of our colony for reasons beyond my control. I would like to draw your attention to the fact  that there might be  a statistical bias in my findings as I have to ensure accuracy & consistency willingly excluded the number of times your dog  after roaming in my door's vicinity for an hour possibly conjuring his next tactic went & pooped on Mr Sharma's doormat next door much to my delight.

It is rather unfortunate that you still hold of the opinion that a street dog bearing an uncanny resemblance to your dog has been pooping on my mat as pointed out by you in our last building society meeting.I have upon thorough investigation come to the conclusion that the stray dog in question prefers to poop next to luxury cars inevitably. Even after spending millions of dollars in research scientists have not been able to reach a consensus on the relationship between dog's excretion & luxury cars.It's one of those who came first the moon craters or Mumbai road potholes kinda question.Or was it chicken or the egg.I forgot.

Call me heartless, but this is not an 'awwwwww' pic

Despite your best efforts to make my life nothing short of living hell, there have been a few positive changes in my life.For instance there has been a massive footfall in the number of guests that used to come uninvited to our house thanks to my stinky doormat .You know the 'We-were-passing- by- your- place- so- thought- we- should- drop- in' kinda guests and it's all thanks to YOUUUUUUUU! '

Looking forward to meeting you in our next building society meeting sans your dog ofcourse.

Yours lovingly,

Rahul Batra

Send us your feedback & hate mails on -

For daily updates join our Facebook page.
Like the Post? Do share with your Friends.

Facebook Comments

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


#BeefBan #GST #GSTBill #Moor #VOXCinemas #NetNeutrality #SaveTheInternet #panama papers 2015 2017 Aamir khan Accounts Acting Adidas Air India airlines airmiles airport ALS Amir Khan amity amity university dubai Amreeka apocalypse Apple Arnab Goswami arun jaitley Asian Sky Shop Asin asin ghajini ghajini review astrology aviation Baba Ramdev banking beaches benefits Bhai Bhangra biceps black money Blockbuster Blonde Bollywood Bollywood Fails Bollywood list bombay Book british. bschool Budget Burger business butter butter chicken Canada car career cats Chandni Chowk chicken Chota Bheem coffee comedy congress consulting Corrupt cow cute Delhi dodo Dominoes Doordarshan dubai duke E-commerce Ekta Kapoor employment endorsement extremists Facebook Fish Fitness flight food fortune Gandhi Ghajini Movie Review Goa Google govinda gravity guide Gupta gym Happy New Year Happy New Year.Bejan Daruwalla Harvard Haryanvi Himesh Reshammiya Hindi Honey Singh Honeymoon hospitality HR Hrithik Roshan Ice bucket IIPM India India Today Indian cinema Instagram intolerance iPhone Jesus jobs junk food Justin Bieber KFC Khap Panchayat kittens Kwiknic lawyer Lingaa Louis Vuitton maharashtrian Manmohan Singh mayans MBA McDonald's micromaxx minister Modi Mont Blanc MTV mumbai NarendraModi NASA New Year New York Nike offend offense Osmania university paratha parathas Parliament Party pet care pets pilot Pizza podcast Politics pork Pratibha Patil Predictions 2014 Punjab punjabi radicals rahul gandhi Ram Leela Rannvijay Reading real estate recruitment religion resolutions Rolex Romeo Juliet Rupa Sachin Sacrifice Salman Salman Khan Salman Rushdie sandhi sudha Sanjay Leela Bhansaali Sanjeev Kapoor Sanskaar Sauna secularism Shah Rukh Khan Shakespeare Shaktimaan Shimla Skype sleep Social media Spicejet SRK Starbucks Sunita Willaims Swiss Bank swiss banks Tata Temple Run The Hindu Tikki Times Now tips Tobacco tom cruise USA Vitamin D waiter weed weight Wharton WWE Yo Yo Honey Singh Yoga

Join our Facebook page for daily humourous updates.