Saturday, 27 September 2014

Of armpits & butterflies

A few days back I happened to come across a very poignant advert on my T.V screen.Before I begin my discourse would request my fan following of 3 readers to watch the YouTube video below.

This video made me ask a few existential questions-
1) Is it ok to flaunt your armpits?

2) When was the last time I came across 'Love is……having good looking armpits' pic on Facebook? 

3) Do butterflies have like an inner bias for armpits than blooming flowers or something?
Almost imagined Martin Luther King going like ‘I have a dream…. Kids in my country will be born with glowing armpits’. Coz at the end of it all racism boils down to 'my armpit is better than yours' at some level or the other.

Blame it on the marketing whiz kids for projecting glowing armpits as a day to day necessity. Necessity is the mother of invention.For all you know maybe there is a deeper vision to it .In a country full of brown people  we could do with a few glowing armpits?

 Aesthetic fairness market is one of the biggest market across India.Which is no big deal, considering as Indian we like our Gods to be fair too (both literally & figuratively). When was the last time you came across an average brown skinned Sri Ram on your TV screen?? No right?. Coz till the time they don't show Shri Ram after emptying one of those gigantic pink coloured Ponds powder bottles on his face the nation might go on a hunger strike or something.

Pond's - making Indians look like social misfits since 1947

It's fun seeing all the male characters in these religious TV serials are more waxed up than the heroines. Almost make the heroines seem manly .

Mankind has successfully developed creams to make every body part look fair . In a nation plagued with so many issues poverty,illiteracy etc we invested our resources in making arm pit whitening creams so MNCs could make big bucks preaching to the nation how being dark complexioned could hinder in your path of making it 'big in life' ( or as my Delhi folks call it 2 BHK flat in Gurgaon with inbuilt sauna bath effectively utilized to dry underwears coz dry underwears is what wellness is all about atleast if you have ever lived in a hostel.But will talk of my victorious  adventures of drying my wet underwears during the rainy season in some other blogpost. Shall leave you with the suspense for the time being ;) Yes, I am your next door Satan indeed! :P

Nowadays you have creams with random ingredients- Cucumber peels, Lemon extracts, Peach extracts etc. I feel it's high time all these big shot MNCs play with our emotions & come up with glitzy campaigns 'Come fall in love with Lauki like never before'  For my younger readers Lauki (definition)- A green coloured vegetable called bottle gourd which is well endorsed my Indian mums as the next potential cure for cancer & stuffed down screaming throats generation after generation coz of it's pseudo healing powers.

Lauki- Destroying appetites since the evolution of mankind

If you ask me when God was creating the universe bet he went like 'Hey let's just fuck around with the human species. Lets create make divine things like Cola & Lauki co exist side by side on the planet & spread the rumour Lauki juice has healing properties'

And also would love to have creams filled with goodness of Dal Makhni or the healing effects of Paneer Do Pyaza.This is what the need of the hour is if you ask me.
But there is these particular breed of shoppers called 'MEN' which these marketing whiz kids can seldom seduce into buying their products. For shoppers like me when I need to select any cream or shampoo I open the lid & go by the smell. Yes you read that right.Had this tragic incident when a family member got me a  'Nivea non fragrance face wash' which I haven't used till date coz fragrance is the only reason I would buy such a product.The stars never seem to be in my favour.

My affair  with beauty products began at a young age, when in kindergarten half a packet of rouge was smudged on both my cheeks coz I had to perform on stage. And coz kids with pink patches on their cheeks were socially accepted as 'adorable kids' regardless of their looks.

You find any & every product of known and unknown evils - Face packs, Finger nail naturalizers,Buttock softners,Navel  moisturizers etc. (k fine had to make up some names due to peer pressure)
When it comes to confusing the masses, it's an art which these companies have mastered over time. Figure the list below -
Dry skin lotion - Rs 80
Dry skin for the not so wet kinda epidermis lotion - Rs 120
(Which both mean the same thing but who cares till we have created a new product line)
Dry skin with the curvy kinda hair follicles lotion -Rs 160
Dry skin with the wet sticky hair follicles lotion  - Rs 200
This so called 'value addition' process will go on till eternity or till Jesus resurrects back on earth & breaks a Lauki into two with bare hands coz converting water to wine is just too mainstream. Till we meet again.Adios!!
Disclaimer- I received no monetary compensation or blackhead removers from any of the brands mentioned despite repeated requests to them.Shall be chucking away my shampoo & instead using my soap bar to clean my hair in protest from henceforth sincerely hoping neither the earth stops revolving nor does my lifespan decrease for this holy sin of mine (atleast in every MNC marketing chief's head).
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