The Sleeping Prince

So recently the duke of Hindustan Mr Rahul Gandhi was caught taking a quick nap while a heated debate on Dalit atrocities was going on in the parliament.

To be honest I am hardly surprised at the matter because as Indians we possess several hidden talents such as dozing off during flight takeoffs  amongst others. Come on who doesn’t enjoy a nap. Even some of our pilots do.

Soon enough the matter snowballed into a huge media outcry and prime time debate slots were reserved to discuss the matter. Party members fought tooth and nail to defend his actions giving statements like that he was only moistening his eyes or that it was a Yoga technique to enhance listening abilities. Some even came to the conclusion that he was simply in deep introspection thinking about the plight of Dalits. At this stage they are collectively simply one step away from proclaiming that he was not sleeping but simply closed his eyes to establish a telepathic connection with extraterrestrials to check their views on the debate.

Now Mr Rahul Gandhi truly faces a big conundrum indeed. It’s like when your teacher asks if you were sleeping or not during class. Regardless of the answer you will definitely get into trouble.

I was fortunate enough to have caught the primetime debate on Times Now where mature men were passionately debating the Rahul Gandhi fiasco. One of the panelists raised doubts as to if Mr Gandhi was pro or anti Dalits. When the sleeping incident of Mr Modi was mentioned another panelist quickly defended him saying that he slept because he had just returned from a long international tour and was a bit tired.

Now this raises the confusion as to what is the right time for things to be considered serious enough. For example when is it exactly considered a ‘violent’ day at the parliament. When a member breaks a table or is it when the prime minister performs a chokeslam on a member of the opposition. These are grey areas indeed.

Over the years our politicians have been caught sleeping at critical junctures whenever India’s future was being shaped. It’s high time that we as a nation establish mutually agreed descriptive rules as to what really constitutes as ‘sleep’.

-Eyes closed and head sideways  or


-Eyes partially open and slouching on the chair or


-Eyes gazing down and staring at the floor with no facial gestures.

The list can go on and on.Like most things even these naps would be governed by laws like-

-The culprit should be able to furnish evidence of any trip undertaken within the past 24 hours (including but not limited to intergalactic voyages).

-In case the member is in deep introspection with their eyes closed, he/she should place their fist under their chin every 2 minutes to indicate their reflective nature prominently. Failure to do so would lead to disciplinary action.

- Keeping your eyes closed for elongated ‘moistening’ purposes is permitted if you have conjunctivitis or have broken a world record in cutting onions recently.

Maybe we can take a cue from the British House of Commons where all the members sit stuffed up next to each other. As a patriotic Indian, trust me its poetic justice indeed seeing your former rulers suffer in silence. Their seating pattern is like those property advertisements in Mumbai where you see spacious houses with European models flipping hot aloo parathas and in reality all you get is a pigeon hole.

Getting our parliamentarians sit closer to each other would besides making them feel conscious all the time also serve greater goals such as increasing their accuracy at throwing furniture around.

Till the wise folks figure out their next step, I am off to sleep during daytime. One of life’s simple pleasures I get being a Rahul without the Gandhi surname.

I LOVE POLITICS

Observing the title given above you must be definitely wondering if I have lost it. Trust me, your views be it good or bad don’t really in any way jeopardize my existence on this planet. The fact remains that I do love the politics being played in my nation .I have many reasons to support this statement.

In India politicians seem to be the 2nd most prized possession after those lovely green smiling Gandhi Bapu notes. Traditionally politics was considered to be one of the noblest professions to get into. Till date it remains the most financially rewarding profession to be in. Besides their own constituencies our politicians have their views regarding anything and everything under the sun.

Once every decade I switch to Doordarshan channel to watch the parliamentary proceedings not for any informative purposes but for amusement reasons. I do believe that the most condemned job of the nation is of the speaker of the House. Apparently apart from the speaker of the House everyone else is speaking. My sincerest sympathies go to the speaker of the House who has to handle a huge bunch of misbehaved kids like a nursery school teacher. Trust me, if things were in my hand I would have surely conferred the Noble Peace Prize to the speaker.

Our politicians leave no stone unturned in transforming the parliament into a WWE match. Any tangible object within their hand’s reach is thrown graciously at their opponent only to realize that they have terribly missed their shot. While the rest of the people are busy dodging these unidentified flying objects (UFO).Then there are the sleepy politicians who oblivious to the commotion around them are busy hibernating like bears in the periphery of the Parliament.

The other thing that makes me envious of our politicians is the huge convoy of cars that they have to protect them from unforeseen dangers on the roads like cows, dogs and occasionally bombs.

It is not easy being a politician in India. There is an unsaid criterion that one has to meet to become a politician.

1) Be Illiterate. Knowledge of a few random words of other languages would be an added advantage.

2) Have a few Swiss bank accounts at your disposal.

3) Have a decent crime record. By decent I mean atleast a dozen or two criminal cases pending against you for murder, kidnapping extortion, theft etc. You are free to specialize in any field of your choice.

With passage of time our politicians have realized that their speeches serve as effective substitutes for sleeping pills to the masses. They are still quite optimistic of awakening our sleep, if not our souls.

Election time is possibly the only time we see our politicians visiting their constituencies to verify traces of human existence. The day is not far away when politicians would be gifting away McDonald’s & Pizza Hut meal vouchers to lure their potential voters.

I firmly believe that the recent shoe throwing spree on politicians should be officially declared as a national sport and Bata should become the official shoe partner for this event. After all it’s our national pride at stake.

Now the lengthy manifestos issued by various political parties remind me of my school days where using more supplementary sheets than your friends during exams was a bigger challenge than the exam itself. We rose to fame thanks to our results which kept decreasing with time & consequently increasing our trips to the principal’s office. 

On a few occasions when I have been asked as to which party do I lend my support, my answer has always remained “Birthday parties”. But then again I am equally supportive of wedding parties too.

In conclusion I would like to say that if I have knowingly or unknowingly hurt any of your non-existent political sentiments you are free to send your assassins all over the city to hunt me down. Before you know it you may just be on your path to becoming a ruthless politician yourself.

The Laughing Messiah Productions salutes these brave warriors.
(Check out the video below to know more about their valiant deeds)