(Article written exclusively for FirstPost- Click Here)
The theory of human evolution suggests that the earliest known form of
homo sapiens filled their bellies by eating leaves. Soon enough they discovered
more productive ways of consuming leaves like smoking marijuana. Just to add
some diversity to their palate, they started hunting animals for food. The rest
they say is history.
Recently a family in Mumbai was harassed for cooking and consuming non
veg food in their apartment. The matter soon blew out of proportion with an FIR
being lodged and political parties springing into action.
The victim Govind Chavan alledged that most of the people in the
building were Gujaratis and Marwaris and wanted them to leave the building.The
incident began when someone threw some water from one of the balconies and the
wise souls standing on the ground floor assumed it must be the Chavan family disposing water after cleaning fish. You literally need to have
superpowers to smell and decipher water droplets falling from a height. Bet
Lord Voldermort would have spared Harry Potter in exchange for this skill.
The angry residents marched to Chavan's house demanding an explanation
for the only to be greeted with an egg hurling session orchestrated by the
family members thereby ensuring that all potential discussions were disrupted.
I am not quite sure of the part of the Old Testament which read somewhat
like-
"Love thy neighbour unconditionally, unless it's a gujarati in
which case shower egg yolk and love (always in that order) for neighbourly
brotherhood"
To add to the nail biting drama, Supriya Chavan even tossed a glass at
them & got a water bottle thrown back at her.
Soon enough members of local political parties arrived on scene to lend
support to the harassed family and decided to launch a protest on the spot and
give the whole incident a maharashtrian v/s non maharashtrian flavour.
Our lovely nation is just a few years away from initiating "dial
-a-dharna" services. Can't wait to see adverts on billboards proclaiming
"Did the sizzling brownie at your local restaurant not sizzle well
enough? It's time to beat the f**k out of the restaurant owner. Call
1800-DHARNA"
Gujaratis having issues with non veg food is nothing new.
Having lived in Gujarat for 3 long years I hereby assure the rest of the
nation that people snorting cocaine out there have a moral high ground compared
to people having non vegetarian food. Restaurants give out non veg food take
aways in conspicuous black coloured polythene bags which are ironically meant
to camouflage the contents although the whole world knows what you are carrying
in it. You're more likely to get hospitable gazes from pedestrians while
carrying rocket launchers on the streets than a packed chicken meal.
It's ironic how exchanging stale food with garnished coriander leaves
amongst neighbours is applauded & considered an act of goodwill whereas
eating non vegetarian food in your flat becomes an issue.
Being a non vegetarian myself, I have utmost respect for people with other
dietary preferences but have an issue when people treat each other as outcastes
due to their gastronomic preferences.
Vegetarians are primarily of two kinds -
a) The
"I-Am-So-Pure-Veg-That-Lettuce-Leaves-Attain-Moksha-After-My-
Consumption" kinds
b) The
"I-Don't-Eat-NonVeg-Food-On-Tuesdays-&-Thursday-Thus-I-am
Absolved-Of-All-Karmic-Sins" kinds
Pure vegetarians are a separate breed all together and are in a constant
battle against the universe to eliminate any & every minute trace of non
veg food in a radius of 50 kms. Recently to test my hypothesis I put a KFC
apple pie in the fridge & voila soon enough it was lying in the bin. One
could possibly wrap a dead body in KFC wrapping paper and rest assured your
pure veg roomie will get rid of it within a few hours.
God bless the Mughals for bringing biryanis,kebabs,tikkas etc to India.
In my head I cannot somehow imagine a scene with Shah Jahan feasting on
broccoli and bottle gourd aka the infamous lauki & the world is a happier
place ever after.
Adios for now off to much some spinach for good karma.
