(Article written exclusively for ITC Ltd)
Mr Mukesh is
an ordinary NRI (ie like all dutiful NRIs he too brings back home iPhones & laptops in dozens for his relatives).
Mr Mukesh
recently migrated to New York in search
of better opportunities (like sweeping the streets & updating his LinkedIn
profile with sassy terms like 'hygiene consultant').
Faking news
spoke to Mr Mukesh recently-
Faking News- "So
tell us how has your whole experience been in USA??"
Mr Mukesh: "New
York is a great place and I feel that it's like a second home to me.Time flies
doesn't it.Just a month back I was the one who used to utter a few words of English
only in the metro when in front of girls to show that I am an uber cool
corporate honcho & here I am faking the Amreekan accent so flawlessly &
shamelessly. Infact just went for my first NFL match yesterday .Must admit got
a few absurd looks when I began cheering out loud 'Sachin Sachinnnnnnn'. Stupid
Amreekans! "
Faking News: "So tell us what do you miss most
about India?"
Mr Mukesh- "After those Sauna Slimming belt & Sandhi Sudha ads etc what I miss the most is
spitting pan & gutka.Out here you have fines for everything. Don't know how
can they call this a free country if it does not allow its citizens to even spit
or pee in the open. But you see nowadays I do get nostalgic when I see neat
& clean walls with no gutka spit on it.Something seems missing.
 |
| A candid pic of Mr Mukesh clicked right before a Board of Directors meeting. |
Faking News: "WTF ? Why??"
Mr Mukesh- "You see I was never addicted to any of this gutka,pan,cigarettes etc. But as luck would have it there was a period
when I faced immense stress at work thanks to my new boss who would not even
allow me to cut vegetables in office (even after I bribed him with 2 packs of
Chunky Chaat masala) while ladies were allowed to knit sweaters during working
hours.Bloody sexist!
Tired of this corporate politics I landed up with a heavy
heart on one of the sessions of 'Third Kidney of Nirmal Baba' or was it Eye? I don't recollect. Screw it!
I discussed my personal problems
with him & was kinda expecting him to ask me tricky questions like 'When was the last time you had
a Cheese Burst Pizza ? ' but instead he asked me when was the last time I
had a paan? I was left speechless. "
The very next moment I walked out to the
nearest pan wala & fell into the vicious circle of tobacco addiction.
Faking News- "Any advise for fellow tobacco consumers?"
Mr Mukesh- "Well
nothing much .I am just following The 6 commandments of gutka users."
Faking News- "Oh really? What are they ?"
Mr Mukesh-Oh it's pretty simple, you know.
1) Thou
shall not leave any wall crack exposed without stuffing in your gutka wrapper.
2) Thou
shall not be successful in mergers & acquisitions business deals without
munching a packet of gutka in front of your foreign counterparts.
3) Thou
shall always make a mark in life (even if it means literally by spitting in
public spaces )
4) Thou
shall NEVER EVER EVER (Arnab Goswami style) bloody get humiliated by Shaktimaan out of all species on the
planet.
5) Thou
shall never get intimidated by 'Tobbacco is injurious to health' warnings coz Aloo
Parathas with truckloads of butter are also injurious to health. But who gives
a shit?
6) Thou
shall defy all odds & even overcome the gravitational force to compete
with fellow gutka users in spitting the longest trail of red spit.
It's a Laughing Messiah Productions Presentation.
Brand partner- KwikNic- Nicotine Chewing gum. A quality product from ITC Ltd
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