2) Letter writing is an awesome skill which trains you to be a 'polite' bitch. Back in school days, the highest marks in letter writing used to go to whoever could come up with the most dull letters infused with British era jargon i.e the kind of words that could potentially get you kidnapped & married off to a village chick by Khaap Panchayat members.
Given below is yet another failed attempt of mine at letter writing.Humble apologies to all my English teachers till date.Try not to hate me.
Dear Mr Natarajan,
Hope you are doing well. It is with a heavy heart that I write to you today the inevitable has happened yet again,Yesterday morning your dog has defacated yet again in front of my door.This activity has been happening since the past few months almost every week.Now you might argue that this is a perfectly natural phenomenon & humans & animals have been shitting in co-existence since millions of years.But most respected sir I beg to differ why on my humble door mat? Ideal neighbour relations qualities prohibit me to go & dump your dog in some animal shelter.I will be honest that I did seriously contemplate on doing so at a point in time before I discovered the true meaning of life was beyond accepting shit from people or dogs for that matter(as in my case).
To support my case I have with utmost dedication gone beyond the call of duty highlighted & taken pictures & videos of your dog pooping on my doormat.I can declare with utmost certainty that the dog observed in between 01:20 & 01:36 is none other than your esteemed dog fondly referred to as Tommy by your immediate family members or 'voh Vodafone vala kutta' by the rest of our colony for reasons beyond my control. I would like to draw your attention to the fact that there might be a statistical bias in my findings as I have to ensure accuracy & consistency willingly excluded the number of times your dog after roaming in my door's vicinity for an hour possibly conjuring his next tactic went & pooped on Mr Sharma's doormat next door much to my delight.
It is rather unfortunate that you still hold of the opinion that a street dog bearing an uncanny resemblance to your dog has been pooping on my mat as pointed out by you in our last building society meeting.I have upon thorough investigation come to the conclusion that the stray dog in question prefers to poop next to luxury cars inevitably. Even after spending millions of dollars in research scientists have not been able to reach a consensus on the relationship between dog's excretion & luxury cars.It's one of those who came first the moon craters or Mumbai road potholes kinda question.Or was it chicken or the egg.I forgot.
