Dear
committed gang,
Congrats
!! It's that time of the year again Hindu Mahasabha activists are on the streets & you
are about to get beaten for roaming around with a girl. ie it's Valentine's day
! Hurray!!
Apparently
the Constitution of India grants you the legal right to move around with an
extraterrestrial but not with a girl of a different caste.
 |
| Yet another insignificant contribution to mankind besides this article |
It's that
time of the year when love is in the air & moving on the streets holding
blood red coloured teddy bears becomes socially acceptable.
Many years ago Mughal emperor Shah Jahan, built the Taj Mahal, an epitome of true love. A monument dedicated to fleecing foreign tourists and 'also' in the loving memory of his wife.
#FunFact- A day before the launch party of the Taj Mahal, workers were busy practicing the dance steps of the legendary 'Macarena'
song and all of a sudden their hands were chopped off so they could never build
a monument like Taj Mahal ever again.
Note to self- Don't chop off the hands of the guy that makes Chilli Paneer at your favourite restaurant.
Note to self- Don't chop off the hands of the guy that makes Chilli Paneer at your favourite restaurant.
Googling
up Valentine's day I got to know the list of the insignificant days prior to
this day-
7th
Feb Rose Day
8th Feb Propose Day
9th Feb Chocolate Day
10th Feb Teddy Day
11th Feb Promise Day
12th Feb Kiss Day
13th Feb Hug Day
8th Feb Propose Day
9th Feb Chocolate Day
10th Feb Teddy Day
11th Feb Promise Day
12th Feb Kiss Day
13th Feb Hug Day
And
as always when shit hits the fan ,that's where we come in!!
In
the best interests of mankind I seek to add a more realistic touch to the days
prior to Valentine's day.
7th
Feb- 'Getting friendzoned' Day-
A
day when you officially get friendzoned by your loved one.
8th Feb- Gifting Lauki with a red ribbon to your gf's mom Day (known as bottle gourd for the ones who don't know & whose appetite isn't scarred by this horrific vegetable as yet)
Pampering
your potential mother in law never hurts in the long run you know.
9th
Feb- 'Walking her dog at 5 in the morning for pooping' Day.
Nothing
more divine than waking up so early in the morning not because you are a
fitness freak, but because you need to take her dog out for pooping. To
hell with those 'dog is a man's best friend' quotes!
10th
Feb- 'Watching Salman Khan's Tere Naam film for inspiration' Day
Now
this film defies all preconceived notions about Valentine's day. It's basically
about a girl who defies all odds and removes the filters of complexion, annual
salary while selecting her potential groom on Shaadi.com. Women empowerment at
it's best. Dear Rahul Gandhi , You're welcome!
This
film is also a fitting tribute to the numerous guys who feel getting a new
hairstyle increases your chances of finding love. And even if you do succeed,
you will end up with Bhumika Chawla not Deepika or Katrina.
11th
Feb- 'Hunting for cheap Valentine's day gifts' Day
So
Valentine's day is just round the corner. You need to buy something real good
for your loved one before she elopes with another one.
#ProTip-
Regardless of what adverts say, gifting a red coloured juicer cum blender to is
almost equivalent to throwing a cucumber on your loved one with the instruction
'Lazy bum! Go make me a sandwich!'
12th
Feb- Avoiding 'Public Display of Affection (PDA)' Day .
Try
your level best to avoid watching 'Public
displays of affections', is an art indeed. It's the season of love. Everybody
is busy making out... pigeons,dogs, guys,girls,ogres etc.
13th
Feb- 'Googling for cheesy love quotes' Day.
When
looks fail to impress, words are your last hope. And what's more exclusive than
writing shitty love quotes on gifts. Just stay away from PJs like 'Hey baby is
your dad a terrorist?? Because you are
such a bomb'.
#ProTip-
Adding Rumi behind any random quotation increases it's credibility by 80%
instantly just like how you can wear a lab coat and come on national television
to talk about chaat masala increasing human lifespan & no one will even
doubt you once.
Now
if you could excuse me I shall continue with my annual Valentine's Day
tradition of tagging my single friends in 'Love is eternal' pics on Facebook.
Best Regards,
